Empty

The emptiness where I used pain to fill the hole no longer controls me, no longer calls me because of you. -Abbi Glines

Empty

I felt so much that now

I begin to realize that everything I thought to be true

Was a lie

All of these emotions

are just feelings

And now I am empty

None of them are present

Not one

And I reach out to grab one

But they jump back just out of reach

And I stare at the stars

Trying to feel

what I thought I would always have

I want to feel their beauty again

empty

There is nothing

The hope I find in the sunrise

Has fallen

Where is my light?

How is it that in so few moments

everything I thought I had

has left

oh how empty

a cup once half full

now drained

where is my light?

And I looked to you

But people will always let me down

And I will look to the rain

But now it hurts

So empty

there is nothing

nothing to hope

nothing to love

and now there is nothing to reach for

there nothing to look for

no more happy

and with emptiness

comes aloneness

so very alone

There is no one to walk by my side

no one to love me

and no one to love

Where is my light?

evil can only win if there is good to take away

are you happy now?

There nothing for you here

You have no power

And more than anything

I want to escape the bonds of this hurt

where is my light?

My sunrise has fallen

The sparkle you once said was in my eyes

It is no more

Because now there is nothing more for you to take away

Yet this does not feel like winning

This feels like a stale mate

never to be won

empty

and the storms can come

If I die, what have I to lose?

There is no feeling

there is nothing I need

I read you letters and words were nothing

I read books full of stories of heroes

there was nothing

Take me

you cannot hurt me

you cannot make me burn

For darkness cannot beat darkness

Light cannot come if there is no source

no side shall win this battle

No battle can be won if the person it is in

lets go

There is nothing

I am empty

that’s all there is

empty.

 

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Trapped Love

The day I gave my heart to him

Was the day I died so deep within

Love is not about being their everything

Love is not a song you sing

It does not stop when you cry out

It does not leave when reach a certain amount

Love is not single kiss

Love is not a hit or miss

Love is not just between you and one

And it cannot be undone

Love does not fade away

Love is a choice you make every single day

I am tired of pretending that love is just for romance

I’m tired of pretending love is just a chance

I realize that I love my friends

Because love is a tree with many stems

And there are different types of love

The best type of love is from God above

So if your love feels so constraint

Don’t just cry and live in complaint

Let go and find love that is free

Show the world who you want to be.

 

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Thirty Days Times Two

One day made friendship between two enemies

Two days made it forever

Three words, the ground shatters

Four real fights, the last one is all that matters

Five days, and the duo was three

Six days, and they were inseparable

Seven grades, and brokenness

Eight grades, and hopelessness

Nine days, they wouldn’t speak

Ten days, she said I’m sorry

Eleven sorry’s, not one to count

Twelve more, none would amount

Thirteen days, cried to sleep

Fourteen days, happy birthday me

Fifteen tears of dryness hits

Sixteen swoops in like a broken stars kiss

Seventeen days, who’s to say

Eighteen days, will we still live on

Nineteen million years, passes by in a second

Twenty what if’s, but I have to reckon

Twenty-one days and I’ll say it again

Twenty-two days, and I’ll wonder why

Twenty-three times, I’ll say that I’m sorry

Twenty-four score strong is your army

Twenty-five days, and I’ll beg that you leave me

Twenty-six days, and I’ll say that I know

Twenty-seven times I’ll do it again

Twenty-eight chances, I swear on all pain

Twenty-nine days, I’m sorry

Thirty nights while I’m thinking about you

Times two.

 

Photograph By: SeaquestDS

Website: www.freeimages.co.uk

 

 

 

Little Girl Grew Up So Fast

Little girl fourteen years old

Yet moms got a plan for her life

Little girl had better fit the mold

Or she will just end up a lousy housewife

Little girl let her heart go ever cold

Sometimes she thinks there is more freedom in afterlife

But no, she reminds herself that there is much to life to unfold

Her life is not something to be sold

 

Little girl, ambition strong

She is gonna be an author

She wakes up with the bird’s song

And listens to mamma’s speech about how she will prosper

She ignores the words, her book is coming along

She smiles as she writes about a magic doctor

She really just wants to belong

She wants to be mamma’s daughter

 

But she was mistaken to even try

Cause an author is not in her mother’s plan

And it’s now that she realizes her mother will never comply

Her mother will control her entire lifespan

That is the truth she so desperately wants to deny

Little girl needs a super man

But daddy has always been mom’s ally

so little girl is left alone to say “I can.”

 

Little girl crying herself to sleep

she has no life of her own

She is ever so lost in the deep

She has lost her ever standing cornerstone

And her ego is something so hard to upkeep

Little girl wondering if mom would disown

Little girl afraid to let daddy hear her weep

Mom even has a plan for a final capstone

 

Little girl lets flapping wings take her mind

The sound drones out the pain

her life has always been undefined

Dad thinks she has gone insane

Little girl completely confined

She is so tired of listening to rain

She wants to let herself unwind

Her mind is something she no longer cares to maintain

 

Little girl forgetting what it means to live

Little girl grew up far too fast

She forgot what it means to be competitive

Little girl can’t unsee her past

Little girl trying to learn to give

Little girl feeling downcast

Little girl for the first time feeling determinative

Little girl who won’t stop holding fast.

 

Photograph by: gratuit

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Mirror Mirror

 

Mirror mirror on the wall

I’m not the fairest of them all

When I meet your cold eyes

I can’t help but wonder if it’s all lies

Sometimes I try to come up and stand tall

But you look me in the eye until in shame, we both fall

You mimic my movement

I beg for improvement

But when I come back you still mock me the same

You laugh a dry cackle and put me to shame

Mirror, mirror on the wall

I know I’m not the fairest of them all

The people at school complement my cloths

That dark navy skirt with dots of lovely rose

But never my face, nor my hair

My clothes are the only thing on me that’s fair

I hate the way that you point at my flaws

Whenever I look smug you give me taunting slow applause

You mock me like a cat does with a mouse

It seems without struggle your victims you chouse

You lure them in like a fish on a line

then you bite and by then, you’ve already buried they’re shrine

I hate you, dear mirror

And your lesson has never been clearer

Mirror, mirror on the wall

I’m not the fairest. and for that I shall fall.

 

 

Photograph by: Halloween

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Sealed with Glue

I thought I could trust you until long after death

But you left me here, afraid and holding my breath

Don’t make me release these sobs without you by my side

Don’t make it the first time I have to tell you I’ve cried

Every time before now you have been there for me

Who do I go to if you choose to flee?

You don’t understand how much I have started to rely

And I plenty of answers if you ask me why

I know I’m not perfect, that I’m full of pride

That’s why I need you to be my guide

But you’re running away from me as a cry out these words

You know if we work together we could fly like birds

Please, understand that I messed up bad

But you are the person I go to when I am sad

I love you, dear friend, and I want you to know

I messed up, if you leave me forever, I will be overcome with woe.

It isn’t your fault and I know it’s not mine

But these fault lines between us, they break up our bind

If you can forgive me then I can for you

And we can start over, this time with glue.

Weak Tears

Tears, we say are weak

If we see them, then that person is labeled meek

I dare to say I disagree

If you shed tears, then you are free

I am tired of looking at these broken places

And never really seeing the people’s faces

If I cry when I see a child without shoes

Go ahead and tell me I have some loose screws

I don’t care if you think I am not strong

Because above your glare I will keep singing my song

Even in the dark I will smile with joy

I will stop to help the poor boy

Fight me, I’ll say for I will fight for the lost

I will stand for them all, no matter the cost

Don’t look down on me for looking after others

Don’t look down on me for being orphan’s mother

When you tell me to stop I will not react

Because I am doing God’s call for me, and that is a fact

If you hurt me for believing I will not hit back

I will smile and show you where to find the right track

Which way that you go, I cannot decide

I can only show what’s right and say that I tried

Believe me, I don’t hate you

You don’t know what you’re doing, you don’t have a clue

I’ll keep going my way and beg you follow

But there is a way to fill that terrible hallow

And that is through Jesus

And through Him, you have the best sort of freedom

He is our savior, born in a steeple

And he smiles every time he sees us help his people

No, tears are not weak

And no, they do not make you a freak

Tears make you strong

And everyone cries, even if they think it makes them not belong

Tears mean humility

With that and with Jesus, we are all nobility.

No tears are not weak

And no, they will never make you a freak

Tears, they make you strong

Even if you think they make you not belong

Tears, they mean humility

and with that, we have endless possibility.

 

Like a Tear

Day one after it began

a wave of regret and anxiety

Alone and scared

Alone and broken

I only wanted to help

and now, I have been shoved aside like tear

Unwanted, and weak

 

Day two after it began

A shadow as it settles in

Pain so deep

Pain so dark

I only did what I thought would fix things

And now I feel regret like child

Remorseful and shame

 

Day five after it began

A rain drop falling, falling

glass half empty

glass half full

Sometimes I feel better, sometimes worse

and now I am like a cloud

unsure and hateful

 

Day ten after it began

The eyes of the greedy

wanting more

wanting hope

I was stupid to ever even try

and now I am like a tear

hopeless and longing

 

Day seventeen after it began

A thorn so ugly

Ugly face

Ugly soul

I messed up the day I told you who to be

And now I am like pane of glass

Shattered and invisible

 

Day twenty-eight after it began

the bitter cold of winter

Ever biting

Ever starving

It was all my fault and no one else’s

And now, I am a slave

powerless and fightless

 

Day thirty-one after it began

a flower sprouting in shadows

Growing hope

Growing hurt

I want me back, I want you back

and now, I am a small sprout in the forest

little hope, big potential

 

Day fifty after it began

A tear rolling down my face

Is it hope?

Is it a chance?

When I realized what I had done to you I gave up

But now, I am like the sun

Ever shining, even in dark

 

Day fifty-one after it began

the night shattering every chance at hope

So dark

So alone

I tried to do what was best and I ended doing what is worst

And now, I am like the moon

Never forgiven, always remorseful

 

Day fifty-eight after it began

A single letter, meaningless, yet filled with meaning

Could it be possible

Could we be friends again

I know I broke everything

and now, I am smoke from a fire

Your mercy, your choice

 

Day sixty-seven after it began

A glimpse of light

Never fading

Never leaving

I realized that I can’t force your hand

and now, I am like broken china

Can’t be fixed, can’t be broken

 

Day seventy-two after it began

A wave of regret and anxiety

Alone and strong

Alone and hopeful

I can’t make you forgive me, though I didn’t try to hurt you

And now, I am like a tear drop

Powerful yet bitter

 

Day ever after it began

A tear

One apology

One forgiveness

If you read this, and you know who you are

You are like a prisoner

Trapped in your own grudge

 

Day ever after it began

A summer breeze

Let it go

Let it be free

I know I hurt you, but I still love you

And now we are like prisoners.

We are like tears.

There is a Word

I thought I was supposed to be big and tall

And that the world should bow down to me

How wrong I was, How I would fall

How wrong I was, I would bow down to all

I put myself up high on a podium

I made my self the center of all attention

I shouted out to all “Please come!”

I made those below me pound my drum

One day, I opened my eyes

For I found there is a word our culture hides

We cover it up with walls of lies

we leave it as an ideal for the wise

But it doesn’t have to be that way

This word put others before myself

I left my podium empty that day

I let my pride fly away

There is a thing called humility

But our culture says it’s wrong

It means letting go of prosperity

It means having endless gracility

You must let go of your selfish thoughts

You must stop looking to yourself for identity

And start looking to the cross

Even if it means putting yourself in a tight knot

Humility, we’re told it’s weak

But who is stronger, the one who strikes

or the one who does not let his anger leak

It is humility that we must seek

This life is not about ourselves

Truthfully, it is for God alone

And humility is the only way to excel

Not just to follow where you are compelled

 

 

 

Sweet Dreams

“Sweet dreams” she said

this don’t feel sweet

Darkness hugs me like a cloak

but fear still grabs me like a rope

far too many tears I’ve shed

But not one seen

“Sweet dreams” she said

but I still feel this wave of dread

My dreams haunt me

My dreams hate me

And as the gift of sleep comes rolling in

I brace myself knowing I can’t win

the clouds are red as blood

the plants are dead

and as the darkness begins the night

I stare, knowing I can’t fight

I want run far away from here

anywhere but here

‘Cause one by one the faceless beasts appear

They are only meant to strike fear

I tell by myself again and again

but they look ever so real

“Please,” I cry, “Just leave me be!”

I beg and beg, but they won’t leave

they take slow steps to close in on me

And then the weapons appear at my feet

I pick one up and prepare

But when I look back up, I recognize their stare

The faceless people, I know them all

but in my dreams, they don’t know me

I drop the blade and beg for mercy

they only react with fury

The alarm rings then,

and I wake up

But the beasts of my mind

They are not kind

they haunt me even in the day

As I wait for night to take me away

And I am afraid for every night

that the dream won’t follow its guidelines

What if I don’t drop the weapon

Or what if they begin to have expression

What if the faceless beasts don’t hesitate

and I must watch with no control

So yes, I fear the dark

For me I always see the same trademark

And I lose control of my own mind

When I dream, I have nothing

Yes, I pretend I’m not afraid of the shadow

But it is all a show

I only see those faceless things

Each one seeming to look at me

And in my hand that silver blade

And I am afraid

Because I am not brave

and I cannot hurt them

even if it is me, they condemn

My dreams haunt me

My dreams hate me

And as the gift of sleep comes rolling in

I brace myself knowing I can’t win