Crushed

I don’t deserve these emotions

but when my eyes meet yours

I am ever lost in the deepest of motions

For some reason, these moments feel like ours

 

And then you tell me about her

Your own princess to be her prince charming

It would be useless for a servant to concur

I don’t think you know how much this is harming

 

I see how you ponder

and it makes my heart break

I wish you let your mind wander

You have no idea what is at stake

 

If you have seen my dead eyes

If you see how I’m always alone Friday night

Know it is because there are no other guys

I love you enough that for you I will not fight

 

It will kill me, you know

to be thrown to the side lines

To get Christmas cards of you kissing her in the snow

You have no idea how this loneliness confines

 

A tear in the dark just to seal a promise passed

A sob in the night to bury my love

Realizing for the first time I am an outcast

Wondering the motive of  God above

 

Staring silently off into the future

Hoping that maybe it could be with you

This is a wound only to be bound by your suture

I only want you to notice me, to keep me in your view

 

My heart is crumbling beneath my finger tips

Words stumble over one another, “See me!”

And I hope I am not just an eclipse

Please do not make me a nobody

 

When you talk about her I will pleasantly smile

Beneath that is pain that crumbles my soul

I’ll be Ok though; only cry for a while

Just please don’t question why I seem so cold.

 

 

Images provided by FreeImages

freeimagesuksmall1

Advertisements

Persevere

He stares at his face in the pond

A watery reflection

Is that really me?

Time has been cruel to that little boy

He lost everything

Flash back to the day it occurred

Mother in bed

Voice cracking as she speaks

Rattling breath

and then none at all

A boy torn in two by a world he never knew

A father who can’t hide his tears

a son who is afraid of what he will do

A century goes by in a couple of months

An older boy now

Three part-time jobs

Trying to keep food for two

Daddy won’t work

grades stooping lower

Trying to breathe in an ocean of water

Tears in his eyes

Remembering mother

Pushing the thoughts away

There is no time for grief

burgers need flipped

jackets need sold

School needs attended

homework needs done

and sleep is somewhere in between

Daddy’s raised voice

Little boy’s tears

Please, Daddy!  I’m trying!

But he has no mercy

little boy on the streets

hardly the money to eat

Moves in with friends

Reflection in the pond

Do you see those dead eyes?

Do you see those buried tears?

He needs someone to tell him not to fear

He needs someone to tell him they are here

Little boy suppose to be a man

Wishing mama could tell him

What it is he should do

But finding that now he truly alone

Little boy dropping out of school

to get another job and pay his own rent

because his friends don’t want him anymore

He is alone but for memory of his mother

and in his mind

she is all that keeps him going

She is his strength and power

and with her

he will persevere.

 

Image from FreeImages

freeimagesuksmall1

Pedestal

Look away

There is nothing here to see

I am not the role model you portray

Please don’t look to me

Don’t put me on a carpet and say, “Make Way!”

I am not the perfect person you want me to be

Don’t you see in my eyes how I am betrayed?

For this pedestal there is always a fee

 

Don’t you dare try follow my lead

I am trapped in a jail cell

Yet whenever you look at me it is with greed

You all look at me as if I am special

You don’t understand what it costs to succeed

I beg you to run, to go find a citadel

But instead you just mock me and refuse to recede

I just don’t want you to be trapped as well

 

Run far away from here

Don’t try to get to where I am

As for me, I’d like to disappear

my joy is measured in milligrams

You think this pedestal is something to fear

The glory of this pedestal is all a sham

Don’t come up here, the coast is not clear

Just run away while you have the chance.

 

Image Provided By FreeImages

freeimagesuksmall1

Chaos

Everyone screams they are right

Everyone claims that the way think

Is the way the world should run

Opinions flood through the atmosphere

No one thinks before they speak

And I think they are starting to get to me

I’m trying to breathe

trying to exhale

My breath gets caught in the back of my throat

words froze the prodigiousness of it all

Then its chaos all over again

Spider fine cracks spread across words never said

Screaming memories of fear in my head

The darkness spirals a monster within itself

Yet here I am

Breathing?

Because the insanity of this atmosphere

cannot beat the ambition

the goals and hopes I have dreamt up in my mind

The future I have planned out before my eyes

will get there

Let the darkness surround me

Let the chaos triumph over the land

For when I am ready to fight

I will triumph over all the voices

and be myself

the only thing I can.

 

Images Provided by FreeImages

freeimagesuksmall1

 

Friends from Ashes

I thought I was alone

But I was ever so wrong

When the world fell deep into a cyclone

You were there for me

You took my hand and smiled at me

You were ok with my imperfections

You were ok not keeping tally

You are something I did not know to be real

I now look to you as my closest friend

I don’t know what it means

I’ve been in ashes so long I don’t think I know how to ascend

Can you be there for me?

You understand this hurt that I feel

You have seen it and felt it before

You understand that this isn’t ideal

But you are ok with that

I did not know I would need you so much

When we met it was just a glimpse of sun

But we found ourselves relying on the other’s soft touch

And now here we are

Best friends in the ashes of a cyclone

Such a strange sight to see

The world will look strangely at these seeds we’ve sewn

Let them watch

We will rise from this broken place

And the only reason we came to be

Is because we had just a bit of grace

And from that, was born joy.

Take Me Home

You have called me out to the waters

Only you know how deep my fear runs

Everything in my soul tells me to hold on to myself

And never let you take me away to the stormy places

But you know that love is a blistering thing

You know that love is a beautiful thing

This Earth is not my place

Take me home

Grab my hand and lead me out onto the waters

Help me jump through the fiery abyss

and into your arms

Into your love

Help me close my eyes

in complete silence

And worship you fully

Because you are God

and there no other

Let me see you and the way you have carried me

Help me pick up these pieces

and see that you are God

Take me home

Show me the path that right and true

Lay down the lights for my feet to step on

Show me the hurt of the world and how much you love

For you are stronger than the shadow

Make me stronger than the shadow

Help me to do my duty here

and then take me away

let me fade with the darkness

Let me wake up in the glory lands

and see your love face to face

Use me to finish what you started

Then as your child

Take me home.

Breaking Through

At a loss for words

Looking out the window

Trying to see sunshine in the day

Why won’t this pain just go away?

I long to be happy

To smile, to see the light

But my problem is

There is none in sight

I just want to be happy for once in my life

I want to feel cheer

But whenever I look around all I see

Is my sad reflection starting back

How I want to break through that mirror

Shatter it into pieces

And for the first time ever see the world in truth

On the other side of the reflection

How nice the world on the other side would be

If I could just forget the ugliness

that is me

So I’ll wake up with a smile

And when the mirror finds my sight

I will frown

As I try with no luck

to break through this reflection

Of me.

Find Me Prince Charming

They said it would be grand

I’m looking around reaching out

Trying to find my prince charming

Who will come to me on the white horses

And save me from the darkness

I want to hold his hand as he crowns me in love

But as I look around for him hopefully

I find it a challenge to find anyone

Who has even a glimpse of humanness

Left in their soul

And now I realize

I am alone

Do you hear that?

The sound of my heart beating quick

With fear of what is to come

I want to find hope in the future

But I find that though my intentions are good

I can only hurt

And the world has turned its back on me

It has left me to fend for myself

Dear prince charming

If you see this

I do not know if I can be saved

But please try

For fairy tales don’t always

have happily ever after

But the journey makes it worth it

Bring your army to fight for me

And if you fail

I will know that someone tried

I will know someone loves

So, dear prince

Please try to save me

I may not be a princess

But I am drowning

And I am in need of someone

Who can grab my hands

And lift me out of the shadows

Into the light

I Look to None

I know who I am suppose to be

I know every rule and every wrong

I know when I make a mistake

And when I do it right

My parents made sure of that

I was told how strong I was

How big I could become

But the unspoken words are ever told

You must follow the rules

So what do I do now?

I know how to be kind

But how do you be kind

To someone who is always judgmental

To the person who was once your best friend

To your biggest enemy

And the response I know is true

“Love your enemy as yourself”

What do I do when the lines of friend and foe

Become blurred

How do you react when you are faced

With a choice of accountability

or lack of love

And what do you do

When you try to be accountable

And they disregard your words

And look at you discusted

How do you love that person

Who you thought would walk with you

And now turns away

I know the rules

But what happens

when barriers are crossed

what do I do when I cannot love

Who do I look to when God is gone

What happens when the skies go dark

When I feel alone

When I cannot pray

What happen when the storms roar

What then?

What now?